This Is How I’m Coping

You know how we keep experiencing the same things over and over again even if they hurt like hell?

My teacher once told me that it’s because life is teaching us a lesson that we need to learn, and that lesson will keep on happening and repeating itself until we do.

Perhaps that’s what happened to us - we’re each other’s painful life lesson that we need to learn.

Whatever we were, everything is still fresh, what you said about wanting someone around still stings, and the uncertainties that you had about us still hurts like a motherfucker, but I’m starting to accept the fact that we’re over.

It especially hurts when something reminds me of you, like when I see something that we got when we travelled to Thailand and Taiwan, or when I stumbled on something in my feed that I want to share with you.

After having you to talk to almost every day for two years, it’s a big reality check to be alone again and not have you there for me.

It’s not easy tbh, and there are still times when I find myself wishing that things are different.

But this is reality and as painful as it is, I need to accept this.

I’m coping and eventually, I’ll be okay. Not today, not anytime soon, I don’t know when really, but I’ll be fine and someday, this will all make sense.

Someday, I’ll be able to thank you for everything and wish you happiness with the girl of your dreams and actually mean it.

Someday, I’ll be able to understand why I wasn’t enough and honestly tell you that it doesn’t matter because my worth is not dependent on how you find me.

Right now, forgetting you is a painful process and moving on is a struggle, but I can’t wait until I’ve put all of these behind me.

Someday, if we see each other again, I’ll be able to look at you in the eye and tell you that losing you was one of the best things that happened to me.

I've got a long way to go but I’ll get there.