Days When Shit Hurts

6:26 AM. I woke up to the sound of the rain battering my windows. The world is grey and gloomy, which perfectly reflects what I feel at the moment.

I just want to stay under the covers and hide from the world, but I have several deadlines to meet before the day ends. It doesn't help that my migraine is acting up, and for some reason, shit hurts more than usual today.

I have stopped posting emotional things like this online because they're very hard to read back, and I don't want to ruin what few good days I have by being reminded of some of the sad stuff I went through.

Today, I guess I'll make an exemption.

Between work and settling back in, I have been very busy. Like literally to the point of barely getting any sleep. It's exhausting, not gonna lie, but it keeps me from thinking about the things I don't want to dwell on.

This morning was a different story. I opened my phone and the first thing that popped up was a picture of you sitting on the stairs of some Watson store in Taiwan - something that Google photos always manage to do on days I could really use not seeing anything that reminds me of you (I really should start deleting stuff one of these days).

I remember I posted that particular photo on your birthday two years ago but of course, you didn't see that because you don't have any social media. At least, that's what you told me anyway.

Happy birthday to my favourite human being to travel the world with.

Sometimes, I still find myself wondering where we went wrong, when things started to not work, and why I wasn't enough. It's been fucking years but those questions still haunt me. I guess I'll never get my answers, eh?

It's Friday today and aside from my deadlines, there's not much on my plate. I could reach out to some friends and maybe have dinner and hang out, but this fucking rain is throwing off my vibe so bad.

Right now, I can't wait for summer. Hell, even just a few really sunny days will do. I could use that. My soul could use that, but then again, they're outside my control so I really should learn to stop being so affected by these things.

I really should learn to stop missing you.

That's all for today, I guess. I'll prolly regret and delete this later on, but hey, we're all human and some days, shit just messes us up more than usual. Also, my migraine is getting bad again so bye.