Same. But Different.

Almost two weeks back home and things between my parents are still very strained and hopeless. Other things happened as well that made coming back home even harder than I thought.

First, my mom had a medical emergency. While she's relatively okay, she's required her to take some expensive prescription medication for two months and has to refrain from drinking soda - something which she loves to do all the time.

A few days after that happened, my brother has a gout flare-up and until now, he couldn't walk and has been staying in his room barely moving since Monday.

My dad, based from the little things that anyone cares to tell me, had kidney stones removed a few years ago and has also been taking medications since then.

Things could be worse, I guess, so I'm thankful that it's not. It's hard enough that I don't have anyone to tell it to, but I also feel like the responsibility to be okay and to keep the status quo has now fallen on me. No joke - it can wear anyone down.

Anyway, I accompanied my mom to the local market today to buy some fruits and veggies. While it's still the same places where I've been to all throughout my childhood, things are obviously very different. Even the place that my ex and I went to just a little over a year ago seems so different now.

I'm not sure if it's because of the weather, because of how things are back home, because my ex and I broke up, or simply because it's 2020 and everything is fucked up. Whatever it is, the places are still the same but the things and the vibes are now way different from what I remembered and that's really sad.

Basically like how my family is right now.

Even the fact that I met a really cute stray puppy at the market today broke my heart. I wanted to bring him home with me so bad. He was very friendly and it would have been no problem to pick him up and take him with me. I could take care of him too, no problem, but with how strained things are between my mom and my dad at home and how my dad is not a fan of dogs, it would probably make things worse.

I hate feeling like this.