Just Another February

We’re almost at the end of January, and I’m still in the middle of decluttering and organizing my life literally. Closets, drawers, old notebooks, random receipts from 2017... You name it, I’m sorting through it.

I didn’t expect this to take forever, but hopefully I’ll get it done before the pandemic ends (fingers crossed). I just want to finally enjoy being at home without feeling mentally cluttered.

Speaking of things I’m not particularly excited about, February is almost here. And honestly? I’m not looking forward to it. Or maybe it’s more like… there’s just nothing to look forward to.

Two years ago, I had the time of my life in Thailand. One year ago, I was excited AF to see someone - that or to travel solo and tick off some places off my bucket list (both got cancelled 😏).

This year? I’m starting February by going to the hospital with my brother for a knee check-up.

It's not something I'm looking forward to because going to hospitals during this pandemic honestly freaks me out. I have even more reason to feel that way now since new and more contagious variants have already been detected in the country.

I know there are a lot of people saying the pandemic is not as bad as it is being made on TV, but if you personally know someone who died from it, someone young, promising, who had his life ahead of him, and who had no reason to die other than COVID got him pretty bad, it's another story. It’s not just numbers on a screen anymore.

Anyhoo, yeah, my brother will finally be seeing a specialist after months of not being able to walk because of his knee.

My mom was supposed to go with him, but considering that she's a senior, the clinic is in a hospital, and the positive cases here in Cebu have drastically increased recently, we decided it's better if she just stays at home.

Since my brother could not go by himself because he has a hard time walking as it is and doing stuff while on his crutches, someone has to go with him. My dad is out of the picture as well because he's also a senior. Considering his temper, we'd rather that he just stay at home too.

That leaves me, so yeah, wish me luck.

The only thing I don’t want to tag along on this hospital run is my migraine, which has been extra rude lately. It’s been hitting more frequently and with more intensity. Sometimes it even messes with my memory.

There are instances where it makes me forget things just as soon as I think about them, which is terrifying AF. Like the other day, I was suddenly hit with an intense craving for pizza, and the moment after I thought it, I completely forgot what I was craving, but I knew I wanted something so bad. That kind of glitch in the matrix scares the crap out of me. 😬

Maybe it’s stress. Maybe I need glasses. Maybe both. Either way, I hope it goes away with a little rest, a little pizza, or both.

Things at home are still the same. My parents' relationship is still falling apart in slow motion, and like always, I'm caught in the middle trying to keep the peace and keep things together. It's so emotionally exhausting, and at this point, I don't know if this aspect of my life will ever get better.

Then there’s my own love life... or lack thereof. Coming out of a 2-year long-distance relationship, the thought of starting over again just feels... ugh. I know I’ll get there eventually, but right now, with the pandemic still very much a thing, it’s hard to imagine connecting with someone new without, like, real dates.

Tinder conversations can only do so much, and so far, I haven't found someone I feel like talking to beyond the "hbu" part. LOL. Bumble is also out of the picture because, no matter how my friend Pao tells me it's awesome, I don't like to message first. Nope.

On a brighter but also bittersweet note, our dog gave birth to six adorable puppies last January 3. They’re super playful now and honestly too cute for words.

I wish we could keep all of them, but we already have eleven dogs, so keeping six more is out of the question.

I’ve been trying not to get too attached, but it’s so fucking hard. Like, really hard. 💔

Anyway, it’s already 12:34 AM, and I need to sleep. Goodnight to whoever’s reading this. I hope your February turns out a little more exciting than mine.