I Thought I Was Over You

Note: This is taken from an old blog of mine, posted last February 19, 2017. I'm reposting it here to remind me of how far I've come from that sad mess of a girl I had been.

To be honest, I still have questions about what happened between us but I guess I'm good now with not knowing and not having answers. Unless you've also been left behind, you'll never know how fucked up the aftermath is - how leaving people without a clue or so much of a goodbye can leave them questioning their self-worth for a long, long time. Please don't do that. If you have to leave someone, please don't just disappear. Anyhoo, here it goes.

Don't you fucking cry even if what you saw broke your already broken heart. You shouldn't have looked at his profile, shouldn't have looked at how well he is moving on, shouldn't have looked at how easily he is forgetting you. You shouldn't have looked but you did and now you feel like dying because what you saw hurts like hell. Don't you fucking cry because it's 3 a.m. on a Monday, and you don't want to go to work with your face bloated and with dark circles under your eyes. People will talk and people will ask questions and you don't have any answers. 

His girlfriend just posted a picture of them together, with her telling him how grateful she is for everything that he has done, for him reminding her how pretty she is on days when she feels ugly, for him always having her back, for him taking care of her, for him reassuring her that she's enough.

Those words felt like a knife was being twisted in your heart because he used to do those things for you, even used to say those words to you. Now, he's saying them to someone else. 

Don't you fucking cry even though you know how fucked up you are now, how you could not let go of the past, how you find it so hard to move on.

For once in your life, he made you believe in things you never believed in, made you put down your walls, made you feel alive, and made you feel enough. For once, you hoped that maybe, just maybe, you would finally have your happily ever after, after all.

Don't you fucking cry even though by now, you should know that your happily ever after is just a shot in the dark, and that while you're still trying to mend your broken, broken heart, he is already making stories with someone else.

Don't you fucking cry. 

#iamizobelle #sadness #heartbroken #leftbehind #trust #broken #blog