To Domz

Hey.

It's 3:26 AM, and I wish so bad that I could talk to you right now.

I remember always texting you, randomly on most times, to meet up at some pizza place just because I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. You always came through for me, despite my texts coming in really late.

I remember the conversations that we had over beers that we barely finished. For some reason, I felt safe with you and with telling you the things that I never had the courage to tell another soul.

Looking back, I'm glad I did. You never let me down, you always understood despite how crazy my thoughts must have been, and you were always there to listen.

Whether I'm ranting about someone or roasting you about the girl that you liked, whether I'm telling you something you didn't agree with or just being a plain pain-in-the-ass, you were always there. I miss that. I miss you.

I remember counting down the weeks before I left for good. Our late-night conversations had taken on a somber mood, but we had never been more honest and raw about our dreams, our fears, and our scars than at that time.

You dreamed of establishing a writing career in the city and wanted to save enough before you go back to your hometown, where you said you will eventually settle down. You would then take a public office post because the pay is stable, get your own place, and start your own family.

You probably didn't notice, but I was just staring at you at that time - amazed at how very sure you were with what you wanted, impressed that you already had your life figured out, and a bit jealous because I was completely the opposite. I still am. 

It was ironic that I was the one leaving to chase a fading dream, but you were the one slowly building your own future with a solid foundation while you stayed. I was really happy for you, but I really wanted to cry for myself.

In that little corner table, the darkness seemed the perfect backdrop as we went completely quiet for a while after that, each lost in our own thoughts. We didn't talk, we didn't need any words - we just knew that we got each other's back no matter what.

I don't know how long we'd been sitting there before I started telling you how scared I was about my move, about all my uncertainties in life, about my insecurities, about everything.

You told me that I would be okay, you told me that I would be able to adjust in no time, you told me that everything would work out fine, that I was doing it for my dream. When you say things like that, I don't know why but I always believed you without questions, without hesitation.

We finished our beers and got up to go home. That was my last night before I left and just as I was getting my bag, I could feel my heart breaking. I was leaving everything that I hold close to my heart and nothing would ever be the same again.

You waited with me until I was able to book a Grab. I remember hugging you tight and not wanting to let go.

I wish I could talk to you again. :(