It's a Sad Week

As cliche as it sounds, misery does love company. This week, that couldn't have been more true. Why do these things have to happen at the same time? Why all at once?

My Boyfriend and I Are Over

My boyfriend and I broke up this week. To be specific, he broke up with me. I know I rarely talk about these kinds of things on social media but I guess there's nothing wrong with writing about it now.

If you know me in person, you'll know that I'm that girl who never gets excited when it comes to talks about getting married or starting a family.

While my girl friends all have their wedding dresses and wedding plans laid out, I couln't even figure out what I want to eat for dinner, much less what I want in life.

To be blunt about it, I never wanted any of those things that my girl friends want in the first place. Don't get me wrong - there's nothing wrong with wanting to settle down and starting a family. I don't judge people who do want those things because it's perfectly alright. It's even impressive that they have those "life goals" all figured out.

It's just that, I feel like there's so much of the world to see and explore and discover and experience. I don't think I could do that if I take the path taken by my friends.

Of course, like everything else in life, nothing is ever constant. I'm not discounting the idea that sooner or later, maybe I'll change my mind. Maybe someone will make me change my mind and to be honest, I thought maybe that someone was my boyfriend. Apparently, not.

It's just really sad that after everything, the person that I thought the world of could let me down little by little to such a point that I don't know what the point of us being together anymore. He's a good guy but it seemed like we were both too immature and too uncertain about things to make it work.

I know I've let him down a lot of times too, but is it too much to ask that in times when my doubts and uncertainties get the better of me, he'd be the one to make them go away? Is it too much to ask for someone that I could actually feel that I could count on when things get hard instead of feeling like I'm just on my own?

Anyway, after a year of being together, it's a hard pill to swallow that things just ended like this, like it was nothing. From my end, all I have are questions - am I that easy to let go and forget? Like what the hell were all those "I love you's" for? Lies?

But like I've said, I've also had lots of faults. I'm as far from perfect as anyone could get. I guess I just wish that this time around, I would end up with someone whose demons play well with mine. Did I mention that I always don't get what I want?

My Brother Is Hospitalized for Dengue

My brother (left) and I always had the same hair length before we started grade school.

On the day that my boyfriend broke up with me, my mom called and dropped the news that they had to bring my brother to the hospital because of a suspected case of dengue.

Two days on, it's confirmed - my brother has dengue and have to stay in the hospital for several days as they make sure that it's nothing severe. Right now, they need a blood donor.

I know my brother and I fight like crazy just like any other siblings out there but it's hard to think of him being in a situation like that. What makes it harder is that I'm just relying on my mom for updates and she always cover up the bad things just so I don't get worried too much. I can't call her out for it too coz I'm pretty sure we'll end up arguing and I don't want that.

On top of everything, I don't know how my dad is handling this. If the past is anything to go by, I don't know what to think.

I really really hope my brother gets well soon. 😔