I Quit My Job

I'm used to dodging uncomfortable topics and masking them with vague words in the things that I write. I could claim creative license, but it's actually just me evading anything that makes me confront my demons head-on.

When I broke up with my boyfriend, all I said in my post was that I let someone I love go. When I had a major fight with my family, all I mentioned was that something awful happened. When the first guy I loved was killed, I didn't even write about it.

I don't know. For some reason, it feels too real and permanent whenever I write about the horrible things in my personal life, like I'm pre-empting them from changing for the better because I already immortalized how awful they are by my words.

I know it's all in my mind, so for a change, I'm writing a post right now with as much upfront info as I can as to how I am today and how things are in my life right now.

So basically, I quit my job.

Yep. I resigned last week, and it was effective immediately.

I don't know if I'm going to regret writing about this later on because let's face it - quitting and unemployment are so negative, and I'm basically laying everything out there in the open for everyone to read.

But I guess I'm just tired of glossing over things in my life at this point. It is what it is, as much as it sucks.

The reason why I quit my job was pretty simple - the account I was in was "right-sizing", they dissolved our copywriting team, and I was queued to be transferred to another account.

The thing with the other account was that it didn't involve any writing at all. It was all about handling legal documents. The other account option that I had was a voice account (call center). I have nothing against these processes, but they are just not for me.

I already spent almost five years in law school doing something that I didn't like. I don't want to waste any more time settling for things that I don't want to do just because the people I love want them for me or because it seems stable or something.

I want to write and as uncertain as I am about most of the other aspects in my life, one thing that I am confident in is my willingness to do whatever it takes to get better when it comes to writing - whether that includes undergoing training, going back to school, or some other stuff.

Since I am single and basically just working for myself, unemployment for me is prolly not as awful as it could be when compared to someone who has a family to feed but don't get me wrong, that doesn't make it any less depressing - I am still unemployed.

I've been joking with my friends that I feel so lost right now, which is actually true. I know I have my faults, but I have always thrived on structure and routine so to not have any of that right now, it kinda feels like my life had somewhat lost direction or something.

Putting it lightly, it kinda feels like I'm on a unicorn (why not? LOL) floatie, I'm getting carried away by the currents, I'm drifting out to the sea, and all I could do is look at what's happening to me and around me (it doesn't help that I don't know how to swim so this analogy is really on point but too real for comfort haha).

I guess I could look at this as an opportunity to do all the things I've been meaning to do but never got around to coz I didn't have the time. I have all the time now, apparently.

I don't know. It just feels so weird to not have a job at the moment, like I'm wasting time that I'll never get back or something.

The longest time in the past that I  had been idle and jobless was two weeks. Restless would be an understatement to describe how I felt at that time, so you can just imagine what I'm feeling right now.

With my birthday coming up next month and Christmas fast approaching, this timing really sucks.

So far, I'm still optimistic about things at the moment. I don't know how long this will last before my situation will start getting to me, so crossing my fingers it's not anytime soon.

Anyway, I've been going to interviews these past few days. I hope things will eventually start looking up, and I also hope that I get to find a job that I can actually stay in for a long time, this time around.

I loved my previous job, I loved the environment of our office, and I absolutely loved the people that I worked with, so what happened really sucked. I actually thought I'd be with the company for a while, seeing that I didn't have any problem with anything, and I loved what I was doing.

At first, it was really hard to accept what was happening. I honestly felt a bit slighted because my team was doing real well but in hindsight, I guess everyone is just doing what they can to survive, business establishments included.

When the management told us what was happening, I really felt bad for myself but I never looked at it as motivated by anything other than management prerogative.

I wish there was a better option than what happened, because I was actually looking forward to learning more about copywriting during our weekly calibration with the US team. However, it was what the management thought was the best way for the company to move forward, and I respect that.

I actually also felt bad for the people who had to deliver the news or any kind of communication like this to the employees - that couldn't be easy. :(

So anyhoo, at the moment, I just have to keep reminding myself to hang in there. Everything happens for a reason, and this too shall pass.

#iamizobelle #september2018 #resignation #unemployment #iquitmyjob #personalblog #personal