Being Left Behind Sucks

Pao has left, and now, Jam is leaving. She tendered her resignation on Monday, and her last day will be at the end of May.

In just two months, two of my closest friends have resigned. To say that I'm sad about it is an understatement. I'm devastated.

These days, I'm just on auto-pilot mode doing the tasks that I need to do without giving them much thought.

I feel like if I allow myself to entertain my emotions, I would break down and cry.

I don't want to do that, especially not around my family, who are already dealing with a lot.

Work has not been easy as well these past few weeks.

I'm doing Pao's tasks on top of my own, my salary remains that of a copywriter, and they're still undecided what position to give me.

I don't want to complain because I'm always grateful that I still have work, but it's hard to stay driven when I feel very lost despite doing so many things for the company.

I don't know where I stand.

That sucks because that's also how I felt with my ex for a long time. I didn't know where I stood in his life, and that kind of situation can wreck anyone's self-esteem or sense of self-worth.

Mine took a beating after that, and I don't know when I can start trusting a guy again who tells me the things I would have wanted to hear.

With my job, my confidence definitely took a hit as well. I mean, what does them being indecisive about my position say about me?

Am I not good enough?

I thought I would only be asking that in my last relationship. Not in my work too. :(

Anyway, work aside, I'll be going to the city on the third week of May to process my passport so yey, at least that part of my life is going as it should (took me months to book an appointment, mind you).

Even if Covid is still being a bitch from the deepest part of hell, at least I'll have my passport ready for when traveling is okay again.

Also, after a really long time of just brushing it aside, I finally got around to getting my third pair of ear piercings.

It's been five days already, and amazingly, they don't hurt, so hopefully, the healing part is going well.

I got my second pair of ear piercings done impromptu at a mall about five years ago, and one side got infected. It was really awful.

It got so bad on the first day of my bar exam that I was literally holding a tissue to my left ear while I answered just to prevent the bleeding from ruining my test booklet.

I didn't call any attention to the proctor back then because if you're familiar with the bar exam, you know how strict the rules are.

At that time, I was terrified of being sent to the nurse's office or something and missing the first two exams of the bar - something that I actually moved to Manila for and reviewed for a year.

Anyway, I survived that and my problematic piercing eventually got okay after a year.

I would want to get more piercings eventually, but I don't think my doctor is down to do industrial, tragus, or even helix piercing.

Also, as supportive as my mom is with my piercing this time, she got mad when I said I might get more haha.

Other than my passport and my piercing, I will also be attending my friend's wedding in the city on the 29th.

I already have my bridesmaid dress, which I really like except for the slit that I don't remember in the original design. LOL.

I also don't have shoes yet, so hopefully, one of my old formal shoes or sandals that I left in our city apartment still works. Otherwise, I have to get new ones.

Lastly, maybe it's just the stress and the thought of my friends leaving, but I've been in such a slump lately. I don't feel like doing much of anything. I don't even journal anymore or do arts and crafts. It's like I lost interest in a lot of things.

I hope I'll get my vibe back soon. :(